just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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