..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize