I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
