the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
