I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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