Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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