i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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