I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
