I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
