Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
