i think my tv is drunk
love makes seman taste better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
how does that bad decision feel?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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