Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
