I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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