I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Non-Jews are for practice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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