Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
