I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
