my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
