It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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