Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You took a bar mat shot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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