when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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