It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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