I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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