Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
