I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
