smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
