I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
