that's an acceptable place to lick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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