Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize