The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
