I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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