I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
