no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
