I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize