so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
