I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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