The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
