I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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