bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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