This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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