You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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