I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
