i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If I die, sorry about rent.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
