They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
