There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
