Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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