Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
