your room smells of hookers.
And success
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
