the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
