Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
