I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
