i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
