I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
