that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
