We won't sleep together?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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