so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
