Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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