I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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