Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
handjob tips. give me some.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
