it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
