Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
