apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
