Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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